The past month has been a fight between me and lethargy. There was nothing to write about and nothing to look forward to (so it seemed in the mix of the conclusion of an amazing winter break, math3500, and the beginnings of an easy(ier) load of classwork). And somehow as a result of those feelings of release, that motivation in me that has been running overtime for the past four and a half years flickered.
I fell into a pit of nonchalance and was even afraid that the flicker has just plain been put out. But then, I went home last weekend for Chinese New Year and saw my dad, home for four days from D.C., lugging a load of PMP books for his upcoming licensing exam. During the time when most adults have a complete emotion breakdown also known as the mid-life crisis, my dad is humming happily along filled with goals and drive. Though he had lost his job just this past summer, he never gave up searching for a new one--if not Atlanta, then elsewhere. Somewhere an opportunity awaits him to carry on. And even when he got the job and flew out to his dingy little apartment (well, kinda cozy I guess) in Virginia, he still didn't stop there. This passion for living life to his full potential inspired me so much... but I just didn't know how to bring myself back to that level of motivation.
Having had enough of my lazy bum-ness, I declared last week diligence week, enlisting some friends to help with the accountability (hooray for helping relationships! yeah public health. :D) part. I tried my best to stay on top of what was going on, and somehow, I stopped questioning myself. Instead of wondering why I wasn't moving my lazy butt or what the point was in this dumb film critique, I just shut up and did my work (thank you, Junki). Yet for some reason, it worked.
Tonight, on the way to Rusan's, I turned on my right blinker--the one that is super spastic and blinks 3 times the rate of a normal blinker. Kelsey said she loved the blinker because it seemed so enthusiastic about turning right (HI!! I'm turning right! I'm turning! Okay! Now... wait.. NOW!). Maybe this is the motivation I need... we all need. Through a happy, enthusiastic attitude for the little things--time in between blinks, a commitment to read the NY Times every morning, studying a little for each class every day--we will slowly begin to understand the big picture and go boldly towards the rest of the world.
Love,
Emily
