Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I am going to D.C. tomorrow, so I'll just take this time to wish you a very happy holiday. I hope you spend lots of time with those you love and wrap up 2009 with joy. (Yeah, totally sappy.)

Love,

Emily

Readjustment and Happiness

Hello everyone!

My first semester of college is... OVER. I was just talking to Camille today about how it felt like we just came for the interview weekend and how this semester flew by so quickly. Gosh, I can't believe how fast it went.

I think this semester I learned not only Calculus (ahem.) and Chemistry (...right..) but also things about life. I learned how to cope with loving people who live far away, much more so than ever now that my dad is in D.C. I learned that what you learn from a class, the experiences you gain, and the amazing people you meet matter more than the final numerical average you receive in a class, and as long as you worked your butt off for something that didn't work out---you didn't fail. Having a room mate taught me how to live with someone and reminded me to be considerate of others, but also made me realize that I need to learn to be less boring (haha!). Philosophizing on the couch (:D), we've realized that we aren't all that important, life is more than just what you know in college, and in the end, all that matters are the people and values in your life.

And most important of all, sometimes you just gotta let go and have a dance party.

From now on, I'll try not to take myself too seriously and have those adventures before my wife gets old (Up reference. Please watch this movie! It is amazing.).

I hope everyone has an amazing week of finals. Do your best and go for it.

Love,

Emily

Happy Holidays!

Today was the math3500 final. After the test, I couldn't even speak English (blubbering when Dr. Shifrin asked how it went and congratulated me on surviving).... but it's over!!!! I did it! :) Hooray!

The rest of the finals should be (relatively) easy.

So enough about school.

Happy Holidays everyone! In celebration of the merry month of December, I have posted a new layout.

math 35 million. for real.

After a whole semester of endless Tuesday nights filled with calculus, proofs, and equations, I figure I should devote a blog post on this huge chunk of my life (haha).

Really, it wasn't that bad. (Or so I say now because I am calm and optimistic.)

I think that Math3500 (endearingly known as Math 35,000 and eventually 350,000 and so on to 35,000,000 when the work got progressively more frustrating as the semester--or night--rolled on..) was definitely a memorable and "worth it" part of my freshman year experience. Without this class, I wouldn't have made such awesome, smart friends, met such a caring and dedicated professor, or pushed myself beyond anything I thought was possible. Looking back, despite all of the difficult nights, I don't think I regret taking this class---even if it wasn't required for my pre-med track (*grumbles* :P).

Once in a while, we need something to struggle for. For me, this used to be AP Chemistry. And now, it is calculus 3 with proofs. Studying for Thursday's final, I feel like I am finally experiencing the true happiness of really learning. Hopefully, I won't fail.

Good luck on all of your finals! I can't wait to write about more exciting things over the break---bwaha. =D

And P.S., in case anyone cares, I did not fail the practical. =)

Multiple Trials

Today I had my Chemistry lab final. As some of you know, this is a class that I have honestly been struggling in---not because the experiments are difficult or confusing, but because even if you understand what you are doing, things may not go right. I suppose this is a metaphor, in some ways, for life. It's strange how in high school and college, you control the world in your hands. I always hear things like "Never take no for an answer--especially not in academics" or "Get it, girl!" (haha), and I feel empowered to go out and take on the world. But in Chemistry lab, things just don't go that way. Sometimes, your data messes up or the calorimeter gets all funky... or the TA has to grade in a mean way according to the professor's orders and you get penalized all over the place for the same mistake.

I don't know anymore if I am just making up excuses or if this is the reality of lab. I feel like it is kind of both. Getting over these obstacles takes patience and determination. But somehow, I feel like no matter how diligent I work, things always go wry in the lab. It's hard to just... suck it up and keep moving, especially when your GPA is on the line.

Sometimes, I worry a lot about medical school. I know it seems really ridiculous, but sometimes I think if I make a B or a C in a freshman general chemistry class, I'll never get into med school and do pubic health... Other times, I just give up on the current semester and say, hey, I'll do better next spring. I feel like this lab is part of my one shot to the rest of my life. Is it??

But life doesn't have just 2 trials. Even in the real lab, you perform hundreds of trials before drawing conclusions. If you fail, just pick yourself up and come back again. It's hard right now to think of things in perspective, especially when the pressure is on to do your best and finish the semester strong. In the end, all you can do is work your hardest, keep your motivation, hold on tight through the exam, and hope for the best.

All I can do now, is hope. And no matter how that practical turned out, I will be okay. Everything will be okay.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

I attempted three American dishes today: 1. salad, 2. mashed potatoes, 3. gravy.

The salad was really easy, and technically, I didn't make it. Here's what I did:

Ingredients: 1 bag romaine lettuce/spinach toss + Caesar dressing + Italian shredded cheese + croutons. Blend/Mix and serve. Voila!

The mashed potatoes were a little more complicated. I did a spin off of the food network healthy version: 4 lbs boiled potatoes + 1/4 cup sour cream + 1/4 cup chicken broth + a small chunk of margarine + 1/4 cup milk + diced onion leaves + salt + ground fresh pepper. It was pretty good. =)

Last, the gravy. It was a bit too liquidy... but here's what I did: 1 can chicken broth + 1 tsbp garlic powder + a smaller chunk of margarine + 6 oz sour cream + 1/4 cup milk + 2 tsbp corn starch + some oregano/dried herbs + pepper.

Hooray for a day of cooking success.

Hope your Thanksgiving feast is going well.

Happy celebrating!

Something New

Do you ever just want to do something so different from what you've ever done? Like, pick up snowboarding or something???

Well. I do. I really really want to find that something.

-~*~-

I was talking to Timmy and Jessica today about why I felt so empty inside... I know I am definitely not being a bum, but I still feel like I get nothing accomplished every day. This isn't like high school anymore. Senior was amazing (at least before I stopped caring); there was so much I cared about, so much I wanted to do. Now, all of that has just narrowed down to academics and a somewhat existent social life. My friends are amazing and I really love them. But, I feel like something in my daily activities is missing. Where is the passion?? Where did all my emotions go?? If you just compare my recent entries to those in August 2008, it's obvious that something has changed. Sometimes I just feel like a robot, and nothing I do is meaningful...

Freshman year in college, this experience is so different from freshman year in high school. I think it's because we never knew in 9th grade what it is like to do something we love so much. And now we do, and we know that we are not doing it. So, we feel like something huge is missing in our lives.

How do you put meaning back into your life when everything has changed?

The Good Old Days

I really miss sitting around with you guys talking about life.

Lying around on the grass with Timmy and Sumi after a Starbucks run was really fun.

I miss all of you.

Emily

LIFE PLAN.

So, I was responding to a questionnaire from an intern at CDC who was asking about what campers thought of the Disease Detectives Camp. One of the questions was: 3. What are you doing now? If in college, what is your major? What do you hope to do next? (i.e.. Job, or graduate school)

Response:

I am an undergraduate student at the University of Georgia majoring in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. I also plan on doing a masters in public health my junior and senior year in health policy and management. After graduation, I want to go to medical school to become a doctor in internal medicine. Later, I hope to work not only in a clinic but also globally as a part of the CDC, National Institutes of Health, or the World Health Organization.

Something nice to keep in perspective.

Balance

Today at medicine book club, we discussed "The Immortals" by Jorge Luis Borges and "Give Me a Doctor" by W. H. Auden. We talked about the importance of being an easy-going, honest, and friendly doctor who listens to her patients and cares more about people than money.

Something interesting, though, that came up was the importance of being self centered. One of the doctors who participated in our discussion talked about how he loved working at the hospital but regretted working so many hours that he missed a big part of his children's childhoods and didn't have much time to himself. He did not find the balance he needed in his life throughout his career.

I hope that when I start working, whether I am a doctor or not, I can find that balance in my life. I want to make time to not only start and raise a family but also be there for my kids. It would be awful to spend all my life at the hospital and miss those priceless moments at home. Also, I'd like to be able to still work out.. go on vacation... and read books for fun.

I think that balance starts now. Sometimes, though, I try to convince myself that it is okay to be a slave to my homework (mainly calculus) in exchange for time spent sitting around relaxing or going out and having fun with friends. It really isn't, because once we start ourselves in this cycle, we never stop. There will always be that extra assignment we must finish. There will always be some project or paper hanging over our heads... but if we don't take a moment to stop and pull ourselves away from what is right in front of us, we'll never be able to. Not next semester. Not next year. Not even in ten years.

So, let's start now.

I wish you all (mostly me Haha) luck in finding balance and happiness in life.

<3

Emily

Frustration

Sitting here on a Tuesday afternoon trying to sift through pages of information on the politics of Pakistan, I feel very discouraged. How are we supposed to figure out the way foreign countries work and understand their cultures just by trying to compile information from a newspaper? I am so overwhelmed by this task.

I just... want to understand the world. I want to know what is going on outside of the United States. It's definitely sad and pathetic that many people have no idea what is happening beyond their backyards. We understand so little despite everything we learn. Picking up the New York Times that I never get around to reading anymore isn't really helping. There must be some better way to go about comprehending this planet and other people.

I just feel like a person who is trying to hold on to something in the darkness.

From Imagination to Reality and Beyond

I have always pictured college with the following:

pea coats, scarves, coffee and lots of it, Starbucks, snow, old brick buildings, chill atmosphere with dim lights, long haul all-nighters involving 3 bottles of coca-cola and lots of paper, good quality books, professor seminars, fun nights out with new friends, hardcore study groups (yeah math 35,000 kids!), cute rain boots...

Interestingly enough, most of these images are turning into reality.

Happiness. :)

~*~

I also wanted to say this: no matter what crazy ambitious, impossible, ridiculously outrageous goals you have in life--- don't create barriers between yourself and those goals. Don't keep yourself from doing your best because you think you won't be able to keep up. You've done it before and can do it again. Get it, girl.

Lack of Inspiration?

Hi everyone.

I hope college is going well for all of you. I'm sad that we do not blog as much anymore to keep up with each other, but hopefully, you are all doing well.

This week was really busy. I had 2 paper proposals due on Tuesday, 1 chemistry test, 2 rehearsals, tons of calculus, and some random meetings. Thankfully, I made it through the week without freaking out or exploding.

Remember how I used to write about things that had inspired me or made me think throughout the day? I feel like these few weeks, I've just been too tired to think straight. Either that or nothing quite interesting has happened.

Maybe this will all get better.

Emily

The Truth I Never Knew

This is going to sound very silly, but, I recently realized that we can control our lives.

For example, in high school, I always felt like there was an expectation and a set of rules I had to live up to: no cutting class, no hanging out with friends when you have homework to do, you have to be on time and make A's. There is no way you can just randomly go travel somewhere or do something spontaneous.

...Not that I'm saying I will all of the sudden turn into a bad girl. It's just that I realized, we lead our own lives! If we want to go for something, we can! I can visit Cornell if I want to. I can study abroad. I can skip classes if I don't feel like going. It's okay to not take the most challenging classes in math.

Seriously. College is not like high school where you are bounded by another person's set of rules or even peer pressure. You play by your own standards and do what you think is right (with help of your friends and parents, of course).

So, here's to finally being a free spirit!

Deep Discussions

There was a point in my life when I thought about "getting an education" as related to numbers, GPAs, grades, letters... whatever you wish to call them. Although I am still not over that and still strive to make a 4.0 my first college semester, I believe I have started to go beyond the value of numbers. It's been a long fight.

Today in Calculus, a class that I would love to actually understand some day soon, we learned crazy stuff about differentiability, the chain rule, and continuity in 3 dimensional space---talk about complicated! But, truthfully, I think I find joy in the struggle. That somehow, staying up until 2am trying to comprehend a homework problem or understand a concept (even if it is agonizing at the time) feels extremely satisfying the next morning. Turning in those pages and pages of work that were the result of a week's worth of dedication feels absolutely amazing. And despite the crazy back-to-back schedules of Wednesdays, I am happy. (The mini-weekend on Wednesday nights are also a very big plus!)

After reading the series of poems for our Brit Lit class on Thursday that contrasted innocence and experience with respect to religion, I feel like learning is completely amazing. Just being able to tackle something as complicated as the question of why is there good and evil in the world in a simple poem blows my mind. And, really, can we acknowledge or recognize or even know good without evil????

Updates from UGA

This is really strange. I remember starting this blog in order to keep a record of my memories from senior year, but now it has carried over to college and I am not updating it.

So what to update you on?

Well, the other day in political science, I learned/realized that George Washington, the great founder of our country, did not win many battles in his revolutionary career (yes, you history majors/likers are probably thinking: wow you did not know that?!). He won by keeping the team together. Another reason why people should not be so selfish and start thinking about others more.

I don't think I have yet gained the Freshman 15, mostly because I have been walking to all of my classes and have cut the midnight Snellabrations down to 0.

Hope is sick right now, so everyone hope (or pray, I suppose) that she gets better soon!

I applied for an ACMP mentorship position, so hopefully that will come in soon.

There is a game against Arizona State this saturday at home!

I miss my parents a lot, but I don't think about it that much. Calling them is also pretty awkward because they're just like, "are you doing well?? okay. take care! goodbye." or every weekend I get the, "can you come home today? tomorrow? Sunday?" and give the usual response "NO DAD."

And... I have a butt load of homework from every class, so I should probably get cracking on that.

First Weekend

We are now 4 weeks into the semester, and this is the first time I am staying at UGA over the weekend. How pathetic.

Last night, Hope and I planned on going to Phi Slam which is this dry dance party run by a Christian fraternity that technically makes fun of the sororities/frats that party like crazy with alcohol. The theme was "puffed up, poofed up, pumped up, blown up," so Hope thought all week and came up with dressing up as the Powerpuff Girls. (Haha!) We found Camille and Christina and asked them to be ppgs with us. So... that was fun! Especially going to IHOP afterwards. =)

This weekend, I don't really plan on doing much except all my homework, tailgating a little bit (people started tailgating at 9:30pm last night and the game isn't until 7pm tonight--- ?!), watching the game, and ballroom dancing (!!! :D) on Sunday night.

College Plans

Hello :)

The first 3 (wow--- three??) weeks of college have gone by pretty quickly, and things have been going well. I've figured out the band thing and am now playing in the Symphonic Band (2nd chair, dudes! :P haha!!!) which only meets twice a week (yay!). I am not behind on my homework---except Political Science, but that class is just not my thing anyways---and have started to read the NY times more often since UGA offers free copies to students. Making friends is going okay. I don't have a lot of actual friends since most people I meet once and then don't really see them again, but a great way I've learned is through study groups (aka math). I hope to meet more people once I start joining clubs and doing things other than study.

In order to keep myself straightened out, I am going to list some of my college goals/plans for freshman year and beyond and see how it's matching up at the moment. (Feel free to ignore the rest of this post!)

College Plans:

1. Major/Minor/Career--

In terms of majors and minors, I want to major in Chemistry without dropping out like most people do after their first year. I am considering either a music minor or an English minor, and I think I will end up with an English minor and just play in bands. I'd also like to look into maybe doing a double major with Music Therapy which is this really cool program where you get to go out into the field and use music to heal patients. And, I am also looking into doing a Master in Public Health along with my bachelors in four years. I think some of this (aka doubling music therapy with the public health plan) is impossible based on the hours necessary for each major... but I will definitely work this out and come to some happy conclusion on what I am going to focus on for the next four years.

2. Random Freshman Things--

*I'd love to go ring the chapel bell after our Linear Algebra final with some people in our math class. My friend Kelsey came up with this idea when we were walking back to Myers from convocation, and I think it'd be a really awesome/fun thing to do! Especially since we spend Tuesdays together in a group of 5-6 doing hours of math (math homework is typically due on Wednesdays).

*I can't wait to attend my first UGA home game!!! It'll be so weird not to be in the band section for this... and looking at the drum majors I might just cry, but we'll see how it goes. Go Dawgs! :P

*I want to join some completely random club that I have never done in high school. I know a guy who joined Crew randomly, something he'd never done before, and ended up falling in love with it. I just want to find something random like that... like serendipity. =)

*Learning to play a sport--- FOR REAL. Playing ping-pong in the basement just doesn't cut it, I don't think. But, I definitely would love to play anything for rec in college... something along the lines of tennis, yoga, extreme ping-pong....? Oh, and I definitely have to start going to Ramsey on a regular basis.... Oy.

Hm, that really is about it right now--- can't think of much else.

Hope everyone who is in college and is reading this (?) is doing well.

Emotional

Coming home is like an emotional breakdown for me. It's like coming back to everything I used to take for granted, now knowing that the time I spend with my family is limited, the friends I've made have gone on their own adventures, and my bed isn't mine forever. Why does it have to be this way? Why do we take it all for granted, wait for that one day we get to finally leave the house, and let those important, priceless memories and emotions slip from our minds because we are so "ready" to leave our small towns?

It is hard to compose these questions and emotions into coherent paragraphs.

Classes

I have a theory: taking hard classes is like having more than one baby.

You're probably thinking--- what!?!? That is so inappropriate! But let me explain. According to most mothers, women aren't afraid of having a second or third baby after the first because they eventually forget how painful childbirth was and only remember how exhilirating having a new baby could be. Comparing this to taking hard classes, students take hard classes one year that they struggle through and stay up until 3am for one year.... experience the wonderful, memory erasing event that is Summer Break and go back to school ready to "knock 'em dead" taking even harder classes.

So, this is the way I feel about school. Except really, my general chemistry lecture is kind of a joke (it's like honors sophomore chem) and my political science class is really chill. English Lit is sort of intimidating since we finish a play a week or a novel a week and have quizzes every day plus an end of term research paper. Calculus is a scary beast! We are doing linear algebra this semester, and it's so different (proofs and such) from all the math I've ever done, so getting through this one will be a struggle!

Anyway, I'll just keep in mind those glorious high school memories of conquring physics (hahaha) and acing the chemistry final and keep on trucking.

Quitting Band

Okay. So the actual content of this post is not as dramatic/depressing as this title makes it seem!... but here's what happened.

I randomly auditioned for a band (and by random, I mean barely really practiced... and was pretty scared when I went into the audition room) last Tuesday and ended up making last chair (woot! haha) in the Wind Symphony... which was the 2nd of their honor bands. The rehearsals for this band were not posted on any UGA website (at least, that I have googled..=P), so I didn't know how it would end up going with my schedule. Alas, I had to run to rehearsal today, which was on South Campus, while I was around North Campus, and the whole thing ended up not fitting into my schedule. Therefore, I had to drop Wind Symphony and will not be playing in a band this semester.. =( But, hopefully, I am trying to get into Symphonic Band or even play in a really random concert band in the spring.

So.. that's my update on college life so far. It's so strange having to give up everything I was passionate about in high school for a completely new set of interests... mostly because the old ones do not apply anymore (i.e. no more time for marching band! and no honor societies in college). Right now, I am looking at going to a Medicine and Literature book meeting next Monday night (which sounds really nerdy, but I am so excited!!!) and maybe getting involved with UGA miracle (help Egleston with stuff). It seems as if I am leaning towards my career stuff with extra-curriculars, which is okay with me. But, I would still really really love to do music!!!.... SOON!

Meeting New People

Well here we are sitting in our [decked out--tee hee] dorm at the University of Georgia. Hope is right next to me on the loveseat surfing the web, and I am sitting here trying to pull things out of my brain to write on this blog. I feel like this summer has completely washed away my ability to write. My words come out incoherent and broken, like I've lost the art of language. (Ok, so not THAT tragic, but it's how I feel.) Hopefully, it will come back after practice so I won't fail that British Literature class... O.O

Meeting people has been both fun and challenging. Back in Feburary at the Foundation Fellows Interview Weekend, the interviewers asked me to describe myself and discuss the changes and growth I have experienced in high school. I said that freshman year I was a shy and awkward student who was nervous and afraid to meet people. Compared to now (a.k.a. then), where I was unafraid to go up to someone, stick out my hand, and say, "Hi, I am Emily." It is definitely true that I have changed and opened up more since freshman year, but I can't say that I am completely comfortable with going up to new people and introducing myself. (Looking back, I see why I did not receive the Fellowship, which is totally okay.)

So yeah, it is pretty awkward to stand in line, tap the person in front of you's shoulder, and introduce yourself. But.. sometimes, especially this first week, you just gotta put yourself out there. (Not that I am doing that great of a job!) I like meeting new people and talking to different people, but it really is hard for me to take that first step. (Where are my leadership skills?!?!) Currently, the tactic is 1. find someone I know who is standing in a group 2. say hello to them 3. introduce self to others. It works out fine, and I don't feel weird about it.

Maybe I'll work up to the brave and bold random introductions.

China Posts

Hey everyone!

It's been a long time since I have updated---not because I was lazy or didn't want to, but because Blogger.com is BLOCKED in China. Oy! So much for freedom of speech.

So.... I have compiled a paper blog (or also known as a journal) in order to keep track of my thoughts. These updates are pretty ADD, so get ready for some craziness.

Enjoy!















Sorry it isn't very big... if I make it any bigger, it gets really blurry.

<3 Emily

China Soon

I have slowly swung into the lull of summer with a repetitive, yet blissfully productive, schedule rotation: wake up, read, gym (sometimes--still working on this!), make lunch, eat, read, computer, make dinner, eat, clean entire kitchen, clarinet, read, sleep. There's not much else to do.

I'm pretty nervous about that clarinet audition.... *bites nails*

And, I'm not really looking forward to going to China anytime soon (next Monday! boo..).

I'm trying to read more books and a variety of them.

That's really it for now.

P.S.--- everyone, check out the blog "My Milk Toof"--I have linked it down on the right hand corner of my blog; it is sooo cute, and unsurprisingly, it is written by an Asian girl. =P

Inspiration... From My Dad?

Before orientation, I promised myself that I would start practicing for my audition and getting organized for my China trip and for college the week after orientation. Here I am... with no progress on anything (heh heh!). Yes, most of you will say, "yeah Emily. Cut it out! It's your summer before college..relax." And yes, I will relax, but I will still do productive stuff like go to the gym, practice, and read.

My dad recently took an online self-taught programming class on this medical computer program. He's been working almost 24/7 for two weeks, and he took his 2 certificates this week. He was always on the computer dedicated to that program and learning it so he can get a better job in this awful economy... and he did it! (no job yet..) He aced both of his tests! And it takes most people 6 months to finish the course--let alone even pass the test.

So, I know he went really hard core. But I need that motivation... and that dedication for the rest of my life. No, I don't need to be a workaholic. But I must be passionate and crazy about what I am doing.... and stop wasting time being dumb.

Although relaxation is always necessary.

Orientation

Orientation was pretty uneventful. We learned how to "call the dawgs" (something I've already covered at drum major camp for 3 years in a row... never expected that I would actually be needing that skill!), got lectured on alcohol and the like, and watched our OLs, aka orientation leaders--haha, make fools of themselves (hee hee! they were awesome). I guess after listing these factors, I can not really say it was "uneventful." The Arch Sessions were a snooze though.

I am taking 6 (what the crap?) classes this fall. I always thought that college meant more free time and less classes; I guess not. These are my classes:

Chem1411 and lab-- it's like advanced modern Chemistry I
Math2004h-- honors differential calculus with theory (indepth calc 1 first semester)
Pols1005h-- honors american government (yuck yuck yuck! but we need this to graduate. poopy.)
Engl1050h-- honors lit (I'll be taking this unless I get a 5 on the lit exam... which will then further screw up my schedule)
Freshman Seminar on Chemistry (don't ask. :D)
Honors Seminar

In total, that is 16 hours--1 more than the recommended 15. Whatever. It's just that one honors seminar that is the extra hour, so I don't think it really is a big deal. Plus, Hope is taking 17 hours =P. What a freak! (Jk)

I can't wait to start college! Not the school/learning part (which is so lame of me, but you know. it's still June!!!), but the college life part. I definitely won't be drinking and such, but living in a dorm with Hope and going through new experiences will be fun!

Insomnia

What is wrong with me??! This whole weekend I have gone to bed tired as a dog around midnight with no luck falling asleep, getting out of bed to get on the computer or read to pass time, and then going back to my room around 2:30am. This is, as Sumi would say, redonkulus.

So, let me try to unwind by going through my day.

My mom and I shopped for 6 hours today! We had to buy gifts for my family back in China so that I can take them back to everyone in July. We ended up getting 2 paris of tennis shoes... So our efficiency? 3 hours for 1 pair of shoes. How lame. We still have to go out tomorrow to get more stuff since my aunt sent a new email asking for make up and more shoes. Don't I love visiting my family in China. (=P Haha, I really, really do!)

After wasting 3 hours at Kohl's and 3 more at the mall, I went home and fixed dinner. That... was interesting. My parents have never really trusted me to fix a whole dinner by myself (more like, I've been too lazy). But, miraculously, it turned out well. I made three dishes: eggs&tomatoes (a Chinese cuisine classic =P, ask Anqi/Alice), bok choy <-- Korean?? Vietnamese?? (what the heck is the English word for this crap?!), and pork&peppers. The eggs and tomatoes were too salty, but other than that, it was pretty good. =) Maybe my cooking will improve this summer.

College = Confusing

You know how with some things, the more you read/study, the more you understand? Physics, for example: if I read my Physics notes 3 times over, everything makes perfect sense (and the question often times is, why didn't I just do that for EVERY test?!?!?!). But getting ready for college?--- The more I read, the more confused I get! You see, at first, you think it is all very simple: go to orientation, take test, meet people, go home. But, alas, I should have known. Life is not so easy. There are millions of forms, confusing websites that do not work(*ahem*UGA*ahem*), and unhelpful phone people.

I hope I get into the swing of things soon!... There's so much I want to do in college; being confused had better not keep me from going for it!

A blogging... Phenomenon?!

I have always had this idea of how to stay connected when all of our friends go off to college: the internet. (Wow, how original Emily.. seriously?) Well, specifically, I am talking about blogging-- connecting to old friends through writing. (I know, some of you science nerds out there are thinking, "ew??") A few of them have actually started blogs (EVEN HAN!!! what the efff?? :P), though! You can check out their stuff under "friends" to the way right. ^.^

All I have to say is, hooray, good luck, and keep it up! I can't wait to hear about what is going on with you and your lives.

Frustrated (Unreasonably.)

--warning: approaching severe rant!--

I haven't been able to get online as much this summer (which, for one, is probably a really good thing!) because my dad has been on our only PC 24/7 for the past month. Why? He is trying to find a new job and learn a new program at the same time, another really awesome thing. But why do I feel so much... pent up frustration? It definitely isn't due to the lack of computer time for me (I hope =/). I've just been so ticked off because he is always on the computer... like he has so much to do and I am just sitting there bored to tears. Why am I so self-centered? My mom always said that I should do as much as I can to help my dad through this period of job hunting just like the way he helped me with my 10 college applications. Sure, I have on many occasions helped him edit a few pages of writing, but what else can I do?

I guess I am just really frustrated at coming home with everything a mess (dishes, living room, etc.) while my dad just sits there rotting in front of a computer. I don't even make sense anymore. What is wrong with me??? I can't even put how I feel into words.

Feels like I am about to implode.

=(

2 Evils of Summer

Two big evils of summertime?
Shopping and eating.

That's right. Do you ever find yourself munching on a bag of Goldfish or maybe even buying a bag of gummy bears in the middle of the day when you are bored to tears? Or even buying other useless things that you don't really need but just thought was interesting to own?

Still, this boredom is much better than going to school.

Unexpected Happiness

I remember always hearing stories about recent graduates who waste away their summer lying in bed battling those post-high school, post-crazy goal oriented life, and pre-college blues feeling depressed. I always stuck my nose up (hee hee) at these stories thinking hmph! I will never be like that!!! Well. Here we are. Those post-high school summer days. And I must admit, I have been there... lying in bed waking up at 10am and going back to sleep at 1pm, doing absolutely nothing even though I should be practicing for my band audition or at least going out with friends.

Anyways, these days are over. This afternoon, I finally faxed my med forms over to the University of Georgia Health Center, worked out at the gym with Hope, and cleaned the kitchen and living room. So much for being a summer slob!

I think being productive on your own will is a happiness in itself. Sure, we had to be productive during school finishing projects and slaving over endless webassigns due in the next 10 minutes. But that was forced. It's much better to just do something, knowing that even though you don't HAVE to (I didn't have to clean the kitchen), you still want to.

Maybe senioritis is fixable after all. =)

Lonely.. =(

After all of the goals, stress, and pressure... everything has finally wound down. No more parties or papers... no more AP exams (woot!!!!!)... and no more friends. =(

I'm so sorry for sounding/being so emo, but everyone is leaving this week! Timmy left last Thursday for India (right after graduation! grr.), Junki left Monday for Japan, Sumi leaves today for India, Hope leaves tomorrow for the keys/bahamas/somewhere carribbeanish, and Anqi leaves tomorrow for China.

What am I supposed to do? Read ALL day?!

It's so weird to have everything go away so suddenly just like that. I feel like I've had a weird tunnel vision for so long that's just been shut off without warning.

=(

Partied Out!

I have not eaten dinner at home once in the past week. =O I've been going to graduation party after graduation party and get-together after get-together, and I am TIRED. But I can't miss out on these last few opportunities to be with everyone at once! People are leaving for India, China, etc., left and right! It's like we are loosing friends one by one.. =(.

My mom called me a party girl today (What?? ME??? lol.) just because I have been going to a bunch of graduation parties one after the other and haven't been home much at all. She said she was going to have a serious talk with Hope to ask her to stop me from partying at Georgia next year. Bwahahahaha, like she even needs to do that? Would I honestly choose partying over studying? Heck no! My mom is ridonculous!

Something else on my mind lately: this crazy clarinet audition packet! I mean, what the crap?! Who does McClellan (UGA clarinet professor) think he is? The clarinet god?!?!? Well, he is really freaking good... but still. There are so many classics in the packet: from the simple, standard (that I have yet to finish.. crap.) Mozart concerto in A major to the crazy Shostakovich noodles and Debussy. It makes sense that the audition material is super hard considering some of the people auditioning intend to be music majors. But, for me, for the purposes of playing clarinet for fun on the side while pursuing a science major... this is going to be tough. But hey, playing music is fun, so this challenge will be fun yeah??

Happy birthday, Junki!! =)

Graduated!!!!!!

I cannot believe this... but... the class of 2009 has GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

I'm not quite as excited as I seem to be in the previous sentence. It's all been very surreal. Cliche as this sounds, I feel like I'm just watching it all happen to someone else.

It's as if nothing has changed. I don't think we are more mature.. especially not those dumb losers who kept talking and being rude during the whole ceremony (I threw angry glances at them and said Shhh!! a lot. So what if I am mean. They deserve it.). And we haven't really changed. We're just... done. With high school.. O.O weird.

Even though I'll probably never see some of these kids ever again in my life, I know that I will meet the ones who have been important to me again. This can't be the end of everything.

And despite all that I believed... I did not cry last night. No one really did...

Maybe we are all still in shock?



P.S. -- I love you guys.
(Sorry! The big group pictures aren't uploaded yet..!)

~*~

Plans for the Summer??

1. Have fun chilling with friends and spending loads of time with them before we all leave for COLLEGE! I'll miss you guys!! =(
2. Go to China. Be with family.. have a BLAST! (and hopefully not get quarantined for swine flu)....
3. Learn to cook/be domestic. Seriously.
4. Relearn calculus and brush up on chemistry. (hahaha.. YEA RIGHT.)
5. read, read, read, read, read!!!!!!!!!!
6. be a Camera whore (check!)
7. work out. =D
8. clean my room... =/ Uhhhh I don't know about this
9. RELAX
10. STOP MAKING LISTS. PERIOD.

A Bigger Cage

Something interesting Sumi said to me the other day before competing in Ecology at nationals: "I feel like in 3 days, I will be free... like a little bird that's been released from it's cage. Except this time, I'll be leaving the small high school cage into a bigger college/life cage.. it's still a cage, but there's more room to fly." That's pretty depressing, deep, and optimistic at the same time. She's definitely right about the being free part. I feel completely relaxed and free now that high school is over and we are just waiting to graduate. I'll worry about that other cage later... =P

I just have to rant about a few itty-bitty teensy-weensy things. More like whine. So bear with me or ignore. And what follows may be super offensive, but I don't care.

1. Senior Laniards. So, apparently when Anqi and I went to school today and dropped by the graduation teacher's room, she told us that the sophomores are in charge of the senior breakfast and the senior stuff (aka laniards) and getting the funds to get those things for us. And this year (unsurprisingly due to the recession) there was a lack of funds from the sophomore class. So. They chose to buy us donuts at the senior breakfast as opposed to laniards for our keys. Hm... I just have one question. Why in the world would they choose donuts over laniards?!??! Do they think that we can't just walk out and get donuts at Krispy Kreme some day?! I mean, the senior laniards last forever and each class before us has gotten one! Someday a few years later, I'll be like no I do not have memorabilia from my senior year because we got donuts instead? That we ate and digested 7 years ago?!?! What crap. I am sad. Heck, I didn't even eat a donut at the senior breakfast.

2. Honor Grads. Another reason why I feel ripped off this year. The honor grads don't get to walk together at the front of the line this year. I guess it isn't a big deal, but I really would have liked to walk with Timmy at graduation. That would be so amazing. But no. Some graduate from last year was sad that walking behind the honor grads made them feel "degraded." And so the school took this to heart and bumped everyone in alphabetical order. So just because you chose to be a slacker for 4 years means you want everyone else to be the same. Thank you capital society for honoring that wish. Whatever, those chords spread out around the non-chords will just make the honor grads look more honored and the non-honor grads more naked.... =( I still don't get to walk with Timmy.

Now that all of that is out of my system....

I can't wait for graduation! It's only 2 more days before we get to march and throw up our hats! I am so excited. I can't believe this is it!

Science Olympiad Nationals!

Here I am sitting in a hotel room in Augusta, Georgia with all but 5 of my team mates celebrating the end of a journey. (Wow, excuse the cliche but it is like 1am in the morning and my brain cells have been fried by SO.) .... and I think I am falling asleep so I will update later. =)

Senior Letters and Regrets

The night before the senior breakfast I am sitting at home scrambling to finish these last few letters to my childhood friends. Typical. Since when did doing fun/interesting things like writing letters to friends become unwanted drudgery?

Something I really regret about these senior letters (and about high school in general): the friends or... former friends whom I don't know whether or not to write a letter to. It makes me really regret all of the friendships that I've lost in the past 4 years and cherish the ones I've made so much more. It's not that I actively burned these bridges... they just fell apart. Like the steps were crumbling before I even began to notice that people were falling away from me. Maybe I didn't put enough effort. Or, maybe, (the lazy way of thinking) things just weren't the same anymore. Whatever it was, I am extremely sad about losing these amazing people in my life. I don't know if there is anyway (or if there is a point?) to patch them up. But, I do know that for the rest of my life, I will do the best I can to keep these things from happening. Of course, some of it is natural, but the ones that may be caused by me or even catalyzed by me will stop. It is just too sad to loose such great people...

To write or not to write? I don't know...

Book List =)

Here are some books that I want to read this summer. Enjoy! =)















Most of them are pretty much YA novels. But, that's the genre I've been looking into recently... =P

I'll update this list later. It's study time. (grr!!)

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy

I've been such a bum lately. It's nothing new, but it just seems more intense lately.

Therefore, I have not updated. Plus, there isn't much to say. School ends in about 1.5 weeks, nationals are coming up, and it's almost pool time! (YES!)

Studying for AP exams isn't really a priority. =(

Sigh.

A Piece of my Mind

I am sick and tired of Asian parents and their snooty little views on college and academics. Yes, this includes my parents (who I am very grateful for and love very much but still have these exasperating Asian qualities).

Some of the following may be over-exaggerated... just a little. ;)

1. The whole where-is-your kid-going-to-school-and-how-did-she-get-in, can-I-see-her-resume? thing has got to stop. Yes, it is good to get advice from students who have gone through high school and the application process, but stalking Harvard kids is not the way to go!

2. And then the judging of kids based on where they go to school. You? Oh you are going to UGA?? Oh my..

3. Oh and the classic: what award did you get? How many of them were given? !@#! Doesn't it just make you happy that your child got an award in the first place?! Not every kid gets an award.

4. The crazy ridiculous focus on SATs. "Emily! Did you study for SATs? Make 2400!"

5. And the bragging between the Asian Parent Community. "Eh.. my son is going to Perimeter." "Ha, mine is going to Gerogia Tech!" "Oh. My daughter is going to Princeton."

I guess parents will never stop being shallow. They just care about you and want the best education for your future. But this judging a person based on their college is just wrong.

Maybe I rant because of where I've chosen for my future.

the........ University of Georgia!

I never thought I'd say this, but---
I'm going to the University of Georgia!



After much consideration (trust me. much!!) I decided that in the long run, Georgia would be a better choice than Duke. Plus, I get to room with our lovely valedictorian. =P Why would I even consider anywhere else? (Haha! Just kidding. I really did think about this pretty hard.)



Go Dawgs!

... by the way: Prom 2009 was AWESOME! I had a load of fun dancing with everyone and Charles! haha =D

Clarinet Therapy and Some Good Advice

Happy Easter! =)

---

A week ago, I told Emilee that I would practice my clarinet at least 1 hour every day throughout Spring Break.

Well.

In the past week (excluding the time I played for MPUMC), I have played clarinet for a grand total of 45 minutes. 45 FREAKING MINUTES. And that was Sunday night from 9:00-9:45pm.

And you know what I discovered?

I sucked.

Completely. Totally. Unconditionally sucked.

I'm not sure whether or not to be angry with myself. I mean, it was spring break. I was burned out from struggling to be productive. And I didn't want to do anything. But still. After working my butt off to improve my clarinet skills and making All State... I've regressed to squeaking every other note because I am not covering the keys correctly? And stumbling over simple repetitive measures of rhythm? What is going on??

Hazo was right. Getting great (excuse the conceited word, but you know what I'm trying to say) is easier than staying great. And, yes, the belief that "I did it once, so greatness must flow from me" is completely wrong.

Leave it to me to not listen to my elders (in fact, PROFESSIONALS in music that are nevertheless my elders!).

So, I have come to the conclusion that I need to slowly ease myself back into playing the clarinet. I couldn't go for more than an hour today because I did not have the endurance. But, I will play bit by bit each day, like physical-clarinet-therapy, until I get the hang of playing again. And, yes, we have a concert in a week... =/ So... it will probably be a little test to see how well I can pull it all together.

I am not intimidated!

---

On a completely random topic, my mom gave me some great advice today. We were having a discussion about being lazy (a common personal trait these days...) when driving home from Kroger. Somehow we started talking about my room and how even though it is pretty clean right now the bed is still messy and unmade. I mean, why make it when you'll just sleep in it again the next night? Makes total sense right? Well, my mom didn't agree (typical). But her reason wasn't "don't be lazy." She said making your bed is a psychological attitude. People with a diligent, loving approach to life make their beds even if it will just be messed up later. Making your bed in the morning motivates you to be focused in what you want to accomplish in your day or even in your life... I guess it's kind of true. I make my bed before All State and Science Olympiad competitions.

I can't really tell this bit of advice right. In Chinese there is a term called qing kuai. It means happily diligent.. like when those Disney princesses whistle while they clean the cottage kind of thing. I think for this last month of high school, we all need to be a bit more qing kuai--not treating AP Exams and all this work as a drugery, but maybe finding something happy and worthwhile in the tasks that lie ahead. And we must be qing kuai in what we do outside the classroom: help out our parents at home, spend less time on the computer and more time running around outside, and make our beds.

Let's finish high school right. =)

I <3 ?

Just taking a moment to tell you that I love you. <3

=)

P.S. Happy birthday Anqi!

Choices vs. Decisions

Looking through all my college stuff, I've realized that there can be many choices but only one decision.

I am having the hardest time making a decision right now. I still have 1 month, but so much is going on between now and graduation that I really do not have that much time to think (AP exams, SO nationals, GRADUATION/parties/blah blah blah..).

A part of me just wants to throw in my deposit to UGA without even considering my other schools, room with my best friend, and be happily content for the next four years. But then... what opportunities am I giving up? Am I giving up more than I am getting by choosing UGA? And wouldn't picking a school for it's financial value (UGA is a very good "deal") be taking the easy way out when I can get decent financial aid at other schools? Of course, if UGA was the only one with a good financial package, that would be the end of my worries. Also, I think a big part of me wants to go to UGA (which may, in the end, be my best choice) because I am afraid. Despite my strong desire to leave Georgia and meet new people for the past three years, I think it's finally starting to hit me that this year will be the last time I truly stay at home with my parents and those I have known for years. I feel like if I go to Georgia, as my friend Whitney says, there will be a strong network of friends whom I know and trust (to party at Whitney's, chill at Karen's, and study--thanks guys--at Hope's & Emily's) that I can branch out from without having to start all over again.. I can't believe that is how I feel after all these years. Should I just let myself be a weenie like that??

But if I throw myself out into the open and go to Cornell or Northwestern, I could build a new foundation, putting myself out there to meet new people and become involved in new events. Looking at it this way, it's still hard to pinpoint one college. They all seem to emphasize the same concepts and offer the same classes: Diversity, Balance, Organic Chemistry, English 101. How am I to decide between two equally significant and equally diverses campuses?

Sometimes.. immature and ungrateful that this sounds.. I wish I had just applied to a couple of places so that my decision could be easier. But, progress and growth comes from making tough decisions. Hopefully, I will make the right one.

NATIONALS!!!!!!!!!!

Parkview Science Olympiad is headed for SO NATIONALS 2009!

--

The weekend before Spring Break has been, so far, refreshing! Refreshing in that it brought back my passion and happiness for doing Science Olympiad and playing clarinet (haha, I know, what a dork!).

But, I am serious. This past year drained away a lot of my energy and made me apathetic towards many of the extra things that I do such as music and SO. Partly, it has to do with the awesome win -- 1st in Disease Detectives and 1st in Forensics again! and 2nd at State-- but partly, it has to do with being with my friends till 3am studying and having a blast. Honestly, our team was on the verge of tears (tears of extreme happiness!) when they called us for 2nd place.

I am SO, so, So (haha get it??) proud of our team for working so hard. I know the seniors were working their butts off since it was our last chance to make nationals. And, guys... WE DID IT! I don't care what Northview says. We did it. Even if we got 2nd, we're going to nationals for our 8th year.

And what a come back it was. =)

P.S. my goal is to practice clarinet >1 hour every day this week.

Results and Some Much Needed Blogging

The final results of college admissions?

Princeton: denied
Stanford: denied
Yale: wait listed
Cornell: accepted

Yay! 1 Ivy! Junki would be proud. Haha! :P

I have to say, I wasn't as sad as I thought I was going to be--not to say that I did not cry or feel upset. I did. I really did. I think a part of me saw this coming. But, in the end, the truth is I did not get in. We did not get in. And, we just have to find ways to deal with that. I cannot really convey my feelings in words right now. I guess a part of me feels numb, and another part of me (oh, I am so ambivalent! :P) does not care at all. But no matter how I feel, I am going to come off disappointed in this post, which I don't think I really am, but who knows.

There are many ways we deal with this.

We cope by changing our perspective, viewing these decisions as fate as a opposed to a lack of ability or substance: we got in where we were supposed to go, and God or fate will take us on the right path. I like to think that this is true, even if I am not particularly religious. I believe things happen for a reason that is not worth analyzing because we will never know why things turn out the way they do... until later in our lives when we realize that something would never have occurred if it was not for that one twist in the idealized journey that we had planned for ourselves in our heads. (Ugh. Note to self: work on writing. What happened?!)

We hold on tight to our friends, shutting ourselves away together when we are supposed to be "studying" but are actually painting and repainting our toenails and dancing to youtube videos.

We accept our futures, feel thankful for all the opportunities we have, and are humbled by our choices, inspired to accomplish much more not letting where we go affect our determination to challenge ourselves and to achieve more than we ever have.

I do not believe that the class of 2009 was a let down. Sure, we all had high hopes and wild dreams, but it isn't over. Just because most of us are going to UGA or Tech does not mean we have to let go of those dreams. Heck, UGA and Tech are amazing schools! I am SO sorry for being so Asian (trust me, I was brought up this shallow when it comes to education). No matter where our options are, we have amazing futures ahead, and I am so thankful to know such smart, hard working (before senioritis hit) people. I love you all despite the rockiness we've all experienced this year. =)

As far as my future? I am weighing Duke and UGA.... and depending on financial aid, I may be able to consider Vanderbilt or Cornell. I don't think I will go to Northwestern, despite the beautiful campus and amazing facilities because it is so far away from home (and super super windy!). It's going to be a really hard choice, and Spring Break may be the most relaxed and tense (such a rare and strange paradox!) week of my life!... but it will all be worth it in the end. I know everything will turn out all right.

One Last Week

Admission decisions are going to be released in about a week! I must tell the truth: I am really anxious/nervous! I know I already have some really good schools that I can go to, but there's still those other ones that I hope to be able to get in. Maybe I'll have some good news for my next post. Ahh!

I have promised myself to be productive AND happy (yes, at the same time!) for the last 2 weeks of school before spring break. Life is going to be hectic, especially next week with a test in every class, college decisions coming out, and Science Olympiad next Saturday. But... I know we can all pull through this! We just have to set our priorities and be diligent in doing whatever it is that we care about. We've been able to go through the hard times for 3 and a half years. We can not let go right now. Not at the crucial moment. Not when we are so close to making it to SO nationals or when we are so close to graduation. We must do our best and fight the senioritis. Just 2 weeks. I know we can do this.

Now, I am off to do laundry and read Frankenstein.

Special :)

Today is a special day. =)

I will never forget it.

<3

Ahh! So Strange

I just realized something!..

The people that my best friends are taking those best friends pictures with (you know, those ones where girls hug each other and someone takes the picture) next year will not be me but other people! People we don't even know right now!

Ahhh.

That feels really weird.

Economics and the Complexity of Life

This is going to sound really dumb, but life is really complicated! I never realized that everything comes with a cost. Many of you are probably thinking, "Well, duh, Emily. We've been in AP Econ for almost a full year. How can you not know that?" Yes, we learn this in a classroom, but in reality I never actually thought about all of the different bills my parents have to pay just to get the garbage taken out or to have electricity. Obviously, I take too many things for granted...

... Which is something I am trying to do less of. So, I plan on doing things that will increase my awareness of what is going on around me and increase my appreciate for life. For example, washing the dishes after dinner. My mom usually does this dirge of a task because I am always able to abscond into my study room with the excuse "oh save me! I have too much homework!". Well, those days are over. I am going to help out around the house until I graduate!

A toast to not taking life and family for granted! :)

I Think I Have Senioritis

I have finally figured out the reason why I took AP Physics C this year. I took it for the thrill of having the challenge of doing something really hard, working my butt off in agony trying to understand it (and going crazy in the process), and finally understanding the stuff near the last minute to do well enough on the tests. Not to say I did well on today's test (yikes!), but I love the adrenaline rush of struggling through a problem and getting it in a mad scramble in the last few minutes. So, I guess I am not a masochist--just some sort of weird, nerdy adventure seeker. Anyway, today's test was fun in that sense, but I don't know how well I did.. Ahh!!!

It's really hard, on the other hand, to find motivation and happiness in Calculus. I feel pretty bad that our whole class has pretty much given up on doing homework during class to sit around and talk about drama or college applications. I think Dr. Wagner is extremely annoyed at us, but he's probably used to this kind of atmosphere around March for second-semester seniors. And, I am completely behind on my homework since I've missed so much school in the past few days... (though All State and 1's at Festival are totally worth it, yeah Sumi?? :D). So, I'll try to work harder and hope that I don't crash in Calc!

I had a whole lot to say earlier this week, but I think after the stress and anxiety that has just passed, I have forgotten everything I wanted to write (oopsie). So.. hang tight. Hopefully, I can find something more interesting and insightful in life to write about soon.

Snow Storm!

Amazingly enough... the weather predictions were true: Georgia (and all of the Southeast for that matter!) got ~2-3 inches of snow yesterday! We all doubted it, but... it happened!

The Proof:

It snowed for 8 hours straight!

Today, I went to Hope/Courtney's house and built my first official snowman ever!

(Yes Murat, I do look like a little Asian boy.. from Northview that you whose butt you would like to kick.. =P)

It was a load of fun sledding and building!

What a great surprise. =)

Fellows Weekend

Congratulations to Parkview's Science Bowl team for taking 1st at state!

~*~

I usually feel pretty nervous when I go up to UGA because it always forces me to step outside of my comfort zone. In a year, I probably average going up to Athens about 4 times for drum major camps, band festival, Janfest, and, this year, the interview weekend. (So, this is probably part of the reason why I am a Georgia fan as opposed to a Tech fan.) At drum major camp, we get to do a bunch of crazy activities like create a drill, meet so many people, and be loud. And there's also that annual drum major competition (which, ahem, I am proud to say Emilee and I made finals for it and I never made finals before this past summer, so woot woot!) Despite the excitement of meeting new people and talking to these amazing instructors, I am still nervous on the inside about finding a place in the camp. Anyways, it works out in the end, and you find people you can connect with and form friendships with the instructors.

This past weekend, UGA did not fail to challenge me once again to step up to the plate. For the interview competition, we had to participate in a discussion, write a paper, and undergo an interview all facilitated by some of the best (at times, most intimidating!--but they were really nice.) professors on campus. But-- Fellows Weekend was... awesome! It was an extremely humbling and inspiring experience.

It is really easy to get caught up in yourself and what you do (ah, the only child in me has escaped!). We all have a strong sense of pride: we are proud of our Science Olympiad teams (hee hee), our GPAs (sometimes.), and our accomplishments. It's human nature. Sometimes we get too caught up in feeling like we are good... I know, this sounds horrible, but I am not surprised if many of us agree. We adopt the idea of, "Hey she can do it. Why can't I?"... which isn't a very bad attitude, but you know what I mean. We may even think that we have everything in our lives figured out. Going to the Fellows Weekend, I was definitely amazed by all of the individual success of the applicants. People were the top (and I mean like 1st or 2nd) of their class, presidents and captains of 3 things, and varsity players or all-state musicians. And I realized that I was not unique at all in some of the things I did (my roomate turned out to be a drum major, Science Olympiad students, Scibowl captain, and all state musician). On top of which, there were soooo many people who have done way more than I ever did in high school. And yet, nobody was flaunting it around. I mean, you could tell people were proud of what they did, but nobody was rubbing it in your face. Especially not the current fellows. Everyone was just really laid-back and chill, like they just happened to have interned in President Obama's office back when he was a senator. But we all had something in common: people at that interview weekend all had a love for the things they did in life. And being surrounded by that enthusiasm and love was phenomenal.

What I mean to say from all of this is... that 1. we may think we are amazing but truly many people out there are just as good or better 2. a love for what you do and what you care about will get you far in life. There were times when I looked at the people around me and wondered what in the world a number 11 in the class with a high but not 2400 SAT score girl like me was doing there. But then, I realized that we were all chosen for a reason. I am not any less than the academic team captains or scientific researchers because I am passionate about the things that have happened in my life and I have the optimism to keep on going with that. It isn't our accomplishments that define us; it is our enthusiasm.

So after all of this rambling.. =P I've come to the conclusion that Fellows Weekend was truly inspiring and was an honor. I also realized that we do not have to go to the Ivy Leagues or Vanderbilts becomes sometimes the best decision may be right at home. I am not saying that I have decided where I am going next year (not even close). But, I am keeping my mind open to the options. But, whether I get the Fellowship or the Ramsey, I think UGA will be an amazing option.

Ranting and Whinning

Beware: what you are about to read can be 1. high frustrating and 2. extremely annoying.

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Life is such a scrambled mess these days!

Let's start with everything that's been happening at home, i.e. my parents. I've been able to get along with them pretty well for the past 17 years, but lately, it's been so hard to even have a conversation with them. It all started after Science Olympiad when I came home. I told my parents about how I was sad about not getting a medal in forensics. My mom just said who cares while my dad told me to quit Science Olympiad! Okay, I understand if they don't really know what it is like to go to SO and not medal in the thing your team depended on you to medal in, but then to just toss it off like that? Especially when I am their kid? I shouldn't even be upset about this because it always happens. I mean... Senior Night. My parents did not come until the very last minute. They didn't make it for the pictures and they weren't there to pin the flower to me. I know, they are busy and really aren't the "sentimental American style" type of family. But I almost cried when Mr. Magner said he would love to walk me for Senior Night! So, let's see. My band director supports me more than my parents?? That is pathetic. And then how they say things about "oh we raised you to be well-rounded and that is how you are going to get into college because you don't just do school." What crap. When I did marching band freshman year, they always told me to quit it. When I took piano for 11 years, by the time high school started, they told me to quit it. I tried out for drum major and they told me that I wouldn't make it and to quit anyways. Doing GSLT, they told me to quit it. And then running for NHS President, they didn't even know what NHS was. Did they really raise me to be well rounded?? NO.

Then there's the whole college thing. April is coming, made more obvious every day by the packets that are coming in the mail from the places I have applied to. Somehow, Vanderbilt sent me an acceptance letter early (hooray! ^.^). And, I am happy about getting into Vanderbilt. It is a really good school! Yet, what do my parents say (yes Timmy, I shouldn't care... but..)? They say "Hmph. We are not impressed. What is Vanderbilt?" They don't even care that I got in! When I gave them the envelop, they just read it and tossed it to the side and said, "we will only be happy/care if you get into Princeton." WHAT?! How can they even think like this?! After not supporting what I do (besides financially, which is a big part of it) for 4 years, they give me crap for not getting into the very best college (yet)?!?! And then to set the standard so high, one that I may or may not be able to reach? They are just setting themselves up for disappointment. And I am so sick of this shallow view on life: that it is just about your rewards and status. Because, even though your financial success is measured by numbers, you aren't. Life just isn't that way. It is aggravating. Do my parents view me as a number? As a source of pride that they hope to one day use as a brag of their skills in raising children or saying "my daughter is in an Ivy League"?! It's so frustrating! Especially when you get rejected from 2 school scholarships in less than 1 week.

I just wonder if I'll leave home without my parents ever knowing who I am.

Sigh... =(

This Past Week

This past week has been ridiculously busy. We had 3 tests, a few quizzes, and a pass off in band, and the Science Olympiad competition was this past Saturday--which, we took 1st in region and beat Brookwood by 40 points! Hooray! (Yes, they were missing 9 people, but we can still kick their butts at state. I know we can.)

I'm not really sure what to write about. All of my feelings of this past weekend has been analyzed and thought about before I got a chance to sit down and think in front of this blog. Anyways, I don't know if I even want to write down some of the things that I have been thinking about. I don't even know what to say right now...

So, I guess it is a pointless blog.
But if state comes, forensics and Brookwood forensics is going to be at the mercy of Parkview forensics. That's all I am saying.

Goals

Yesterday, Wendy and I got on Ticketmaster to buy Taylor Swift tickets.. but all of the tickets were gone by 3:30pm. =( I suppose I should have seen this coming. She is extremely popular after all, on top of which she is performing with Keith Urban, so that makes it even crazier. This means that we probably will not be able to go see her.. unless by some miracle I win us some tickets from the radio. This is dumb, but I am really sad.

I need to set some goals for myself. I am afraid that senioritis will start kicking in before the important things are over. So..

Emily's Anti-Senioritis Goal:
1. apply for loads of scholarships so that I can completely cut down the costs of college
2. do my calculus homework
3. medal in all SO events
4. make 105+ in all classes with exception of chemistry (make 100+)

Uhh.. wow. That's it. What happened to all of my visions?

My Collage of Memories

These are the bits and pieces of love that make me happy:

Riding shotgun with my crazy best friend who's hair is caught in the window.
Singing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs.
Studying Chemistry with Wendy.
Laughing until my stomach aches, rolling to the floor and laughing harder.
Going to Starbucks every other day.
Making fake snow angels on the carpet ground.
Getting lost in a big bookstore.
Making Hope laugh.
Taking circle pictures.
Volunteering... at the wrong school... twice!
Hugging Theodore, who hugs me back.
Slow dancing...
Keeping a to-do list (thanks Hope!) and erasing/re-erasing what I write in my planner.
Eating dinner with family.
Hiding in Heier's until 5pm.
Kicking Forensics in the butt at state.
Listening to Delilah (ok, I admit it!) after 10pm.
Playing clarinet with my teacher.
Stealing time to read Twilight.
Driving through a curvy road.
Crossing off items on my to-do list.
Trying to make baby Austin laugh.
Going to RuSans.
Conducting a band for the very first time.
Being busy.
And..
Sleep. =)

Science Olympiad: and so it begins...

Wow thanks guys. I write something dumb about cowgirl boots and I get loads more comments than I have gotten in the past two weeks. :P

So, it is February 10, 2009 at 12:11am. I ought to be in bed, but I had a 3 hour nap today. Actually, I am sick.. so that stinks. But, what the heck. I think I'm getting better: for dinner, I had a veggie soup which I could not taste at all, but now (I'm hungry as you can imagine) I'm eating this cinnamon/raisin bagel (yummy!!) and I can actually TASTE it!! :D Things are indeed improving.

Another thing about February-- it is the beginning of Science Olympiad season. (ahhhh!!!) I am sooooo excited and so anxious at the same time. It's like, I can't wait to do some hard core studying (like that one week Sumi and I managed to pull doing SO every day and blowing off homework but still acing both, muahahaha) but I am still nervous about the competition. It's different this year. There is so much pressure to win. And, that kind of stinks because SO has always been the chillax nerd group where we learned all these things for the love of science and went out and took State by accident! Now, it's this crazy competition for which seniors want to be on the "A Team".. and even if you think you have the spot you may not. But, I understand that this may be Parkview's last chance before the Math and Science school/Brookwood/Northview take over (HECK NO!), so we have to do really well.

Screw it, though. I'm going to do my best and see what happens. After all, isn't the best part about Science Olympiad staying up all night with Sumi and Hope feeding each other ice cream, cramming random knowledge about the seafloor, and hitting tubes with flip flops? :)

A Cute Outfit and Some Exciting News

Right now, I feel really bummed to be an Asian girl. Why? Well... how can an Asian pull off the cowgirl look?

So, you've got Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood who, obviously, can pull it off:





But, I don't think this would look right on me. Blah.

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Anyways...
I don't have much to update. Except.. TAYLOR SWIFT IS COMING TO ATLANTA IN THE SUMMER!!!!! Wendy, Charles, and I are super excited and will be buying tickets as soon as they release them!

Can't wait until June!

Music and Listening

I have rediscovered an amazing artist. We always listen to him in the car on the way to GSLT, but I never connected his name with his songs. Anyway, the guy is Matt Wertz. He does accoustic music and isn't so mainstream but isn't weird at all. You guys (whoever read this) should check him out. His music will lift you up and make you really happy! :)

I realized today (even though I've subconsciously known this all along) that I need to be a better listener. Lots of times, people talk to me and I just look at them and nod, but we've all had this experience. It just happens so often though! What are some ways to listen better? I can.... 1.Look the person in the eyes when they are talking. (yeah, but your head can be in space..) 2. Find a connection between what the person is talking about and your interests. This will spark conversations and help listening. 3. Stop thinking about other stuff when that person is talking.

Listening is hard when we live in a world where most people (I'm definitely included.) are so self consumed. We want to talk about ourselves and to share our lives with the people around us. Despite our efforts to go out into the world and volunteer or lead others, we still do it in the end to make ourselves happy and feel more worthwhile. Even in band, it takes a load of training to be aware of the parts around you! Plus, college applications this year and competition to get something doesn't really help that self-centered ideal. I suppose only when you have a child will you know what it is truly like to care for someone else. Then again, it is your child. Now, I am just rambling.

Sorry the "deep thoughts" of recent blogs have been quite shallow. I think my brain has evaporated. =P

Do Not Go Gentle...

Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

- Dylan Thomas

We read this poem in lit today, and it made me think about this semester when everyone else thought about death. I guess I am not so profound.

I just have to say... it is so hard to do work right now and be productive. But, we've done it for four years, so why not one more semester? I know I didn't work my butt off for my college applications. I did it because I cared about school and wanted to push myself to be better.

No. I won't settle for B's this semester on the pansy excuse of being a senior. I'm graduating as a single digit with a 4.0.

Interviews.. and Other Things

So, let's talk about the college interview.

At first, you're scared. Nervous. Petrified. You wonder if the other guy (or girl) is going to like what you say, what you have done, basically, who you are. You spend so much time before your first "inspection" dreading the afternoon after Physics class and sitting in front of your Webassign with clammy hands (okay, so this may not apply to everyone.. :D). It seems a bit ridiculous, but I guess this is basically how I felt before my first interview. To tell the truth though, all of the worrying and sweating was for nothing.

The interview serves two purposes: 1. to see what kind of a person you are-- if you are as interesting in person as you are on paper, or in some cases more interesting in person 2. to see why you are interested in attending a certain school and also to give you more information about that school. I never really try to impress my interviewer (besides the whole dressing up thing, but that should always be a priority). At first, I was really worried about my answers. What if I say something wrong and offend my interviewer? But seriously, thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things. Most of the times, you think weird things are going to happen when it actually is quite impossible. Like, when I think too much about how to conduct. The four-four patterns just go away. Sometimes, however, you pysche yourself out by thinking too much. Like my sophomore year all state audition. I completely doubted my abilities to play a G scale, and at auditions I bombed it. So, I just stopped thinking about the interviews and started talking. I talked about almost everything: my family, my friends, music, writing, public health, Science Olympiad, being with children... everything.

This is going to sound cliche, but here goes: you cannot change who you are or what you have done in the past. Colleges look for people who will add to their communities, so you may think that you need to mold yourself into some "Ivy League" material shape. But, look at it from the other side. This is the beginning of the rest of our lives. Shouldn't we be looking for colleges that are molded into the "Emily" material shape? I know, it sounds silly. But, that's what got me through these interviews: knowing that there is nobody to impress, that my personality and background will take me to where I belong, and that having an interview is just another way of meeting people and learning about their experiences at a certain place. Like Dr. Okor always says... "That's all!"

Maybe I wrote this down for future reference (for graduate school confidence or something). Maybe I wrote this down to teach others... whoever reads stumbles upon this blog. Or maybe I even wrote this down so that later, in April, I can look back on this post and laugh at myself. (Probably the latter is the best reason. :D haha) Whatever the case, my college interview experience was overall really good. I had a lot of fun learning about the places I would like to go, and also, let's not forget about the nice food.