Fellows Weekend

Congratulations to Parkview's Science Bowl team for taking 1st at state!

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I usually feel pretty nervous when I go up to UGA because it always forces me to step outside of my comfort zone. In a year, I probably average going up to Athens about 4 times for drum major camps, band festival, Janfest, and, this year, the interview weekend. (So, this is probably part of the reason why I am a Georgia fan as opposed to a Tech fan.) At drum major camp, we get to do a bunch of crazy activities like create a drill, meet so many people, and be loud. And there's also that annual drum major competition (which, ahem, I am proud to say Emilee and I made finals for it and I never made finals before this past summer, so woot woot!) Despite the excitement of meeting new people and talking to these amazing instructors, I am still nervous on the inside about finding a place in the camp. Anyways, it works out in the end, and you find people you can connect with and form friendships with the instructors.

This past weekend, UGA did not fail to challenge me once again to step up to the plate. For the interview competition, we had to participate in a discussion, write a paper, and undergo an interview all facilitated by some of the best (at times, most intimidating!--but they were really nice.) professors on campus. But-- Fellows Weekend was... awesome! It was an extremely humbling and inspiring experience.

It is really easy to get caught up in yourself and what you do (ah, the only child in me has escaped!). We all have a strong sense of pride: we are proud of our Science Olympiad teams (hee hee), our GPAs (sometimes.), and our accomplishments. It's human nature. Sometimes we get too caught up in feeling like we are good... I know, this sounds horrible, but I am not surprised if many of us agree. We adopt the idea of, "Hey she can do it. Why can't I?"... which isn't a very bad attitude, but you know what I mean. We may even think that we have everything in our lives figured out. Going to the Fellows Weekend, I was definitely amazed by all of the individual success of the applicants. People were the top (and I mean like 1st or 2nd) of their class, presidents and captains of 3 things, and varsity players or all-state musicians. And I realized that I was not unique at all in some of the things I did (my roomate turned out to be a drum major, Science Olympiad students, Scibowl captain, and all state musician). On top of which, there were soooo many people who have done way more than I ever did in high school. And yet, nobody was flaunting it around. I mean, you could tell people were proud of what they did, but nobody was rubbing it in your face. Especially not the current fellows. Everyone was just really laid-back and chill, like they just happened to have interned in President Obama's office back when he was a senator. But we all had something in common: people at that interview weekend all had a love for the things they did in life. And being surrounded by that enthusiasm and love was phenomenal.

What I mean to say from all of this is... that 1. we may think we are amazing but truly many people out there are just as good or better 2. a love for what you do and what you care about will get you far in life. There were times when I looked at the people around me and wondered what in the world a number 11 in the class with a high but not 2400 SAT score girl like me was doing there. But then, I realized that we were all chosen for a reason. I am not any less than the academic team captains or scientific researchers because I am passionate about the things that have happened in my life and I have the optimism to keep on going with that. It isn't our accomplishments that define us; it is our enthusiasm.

So after all of this rambling.. =P I've come to the conclusion that Fellows Weekend was truly inspiring and was an honor. I also realized that we do not have to go to the Ivy Leagues or Vanderbilts becomes sometimes the best decision may be right at home. I am not saying that I have decided where I am going next year (not even close). But, I am keeping my mind open to the options. But, whether I get the Fellowship or the Ramsey, I think UGA will be an amazing option.

Ranting and Whinning

Beware: what you are about to read can be 1. high frustrating and 2. extremely annoying.

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Life is such a scrambled mess these days!

Let's start with everything that's been happening at home, i.e. my parents. I've been able to get along with them pretty well for the past 17 years, but lately, it's been so hard to even have a conversation with them. It all started after Science Olympiad when I came home. I told my parents about how I was sad about not getting a medal in forensics. My mom just said who cares while my dad told me to quit Science Olympiad! Okay, I understand if they don't really know what it is like to go to SO and not medal in the thing your team depended on you to medal in, but then to just toss it off like that? Especially when I am their kid? I shouldn't even be upset about this because it always happens. I mean... Senior Night. My parents did not come until the very last minute. They didn't make it for the pictures and they weren't there to pin the flower to me. I know, they are busy and really aren't the "sentimental American style" type of family. But I almost cried when Mr. Magner said he would love to walk me for Senior Night! So, let's see. My band director supports me more than my parents?? That is pathetic. And then how they say things about "oh we raised you to be well-rounded and that is how you are going to get into college because you don't just do school." What crap. When I did marching band freshman year, they always told me to quit it. When I took piano for 11 years, by the time high school started, they told me to quit it. I tried out for drum major and they told me that I wouldn't make it and to quit anyways. Doing GSLT, they told me to quit it. And then running for NHS President, they didn't even know what NHS was. Did they really raise me to be well rounded?? NO.

Then there's the whole college thing. April is coming, made more obvious every day by the packets that are coming in the mail from the places I have applied to. Somehow, Vanderbilt sent me an acceptance letter early (hooray! ^.^). And, I am happy about getting into Vanderbilt. It is a really good school! Yet, what do my parents say (yes Timmy, I shouldn't care... but..)? They say "Hmph. We are not impressed. What is Vanderbilt?" They don't even care that I got in! When I gave them the envelop, they just read it and tossed it to the side and said, "we will only be happy/care if you get into Princeton." WHAT?! How can they even think like this?! After not supporting what I do (besides financially, which is a big part of it) for 4 years, they give me crap for not getting into the very best college (yet)?!?! And then to set the standard so high, one that I may or may not be able to reach? They are just setting themselves up for disappointment. And I am so sick of this shallow view on life: that it is just about your rewards and status. Because, even though your financial success is measured by numbers, you aren't. Life just isn't that way. It is aggravating. Do my parents view me as a number? As a source of pride that they hope to one day use as a brag of their skills in raising children or saying "my daughter is in an Ivy League"?! It's so frustrating! Especially when you get rejected from 2 school scholarships in less than 1 week.

I just wonder if I'll leave home without my parents ever knowing who I am.

Sigh... =(

This Past Week

This past week has been ridiculously busy. We had 3 tests, a few quizzes, and a pass off in band, and the Science Olympiad competition was this past Saturday--which, we took 1st in region and beat Brookwood by 40 points! Hooray! (Yes, they were missing 9 people, but we can still kick their butts at state. I know we can.)

I'm not really sure what to write about. All of my feelings of this past weekend has been analyzed and thought about before I got a chance to sit down and think in front of this blog. Anyways, I don't know if I even want to write down some of the things that I have been thinking about. I don't even know what to say right now...

So, I guess it is a pointless blog.
But if state comes, forensics and Brookwood forensics is going to be at the mercy of Parkview forensics. That's all I am saying.

Goals

Yesterday, Wendy and I got on Ticketmaster to buy Taylor Swift tickets.. but all of the tickets were gone by 3:30pm. =( I suppose I should have seen this coming. She is extremely popular after all, on top of which she is performing with Keith Urban, so that makes it even crazier. This means that we probably will not be able to go see her.. unless by some miracle I win us some tickets from the radio. This is dumb, but I am really sad.

I need to set some goals for myself. I am afraid that senioritis will start kicking in before the important things are over. So..

Emily's Anti-Senioritis Goal:
1. apply for loads of scholarships so that I can completely cut down the costs of college
2. do my calculus homework
3. medal in all SO events
4. make 105+ in all classes with exception of chemistry (make 100+)

Uhh.. wow. That's it. What happened to all of my visions?

My Collage of Memories

These are the bits and pieces of love that make me happy:

Riding shotgun with my crazy best friend who's hair is caught in the window.
Singing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs.
Studying Chemistry with Wendy.
Laughing until my stomach aches, rolling to the floor and laughing harder.
Going to Starbucks every other day.
Making fake snow angels on the carpet ground.
Getting lost in a big bookstore.
Making Hope laugh.
Taking circle pictures.
Volunteering... at the wrong school... twice!
Hugging Theodore, who hugs me back.
Slow dancing...
Keeping a to-do list (thanks Hope!) and erasing/re-erasing what I write in my planner.
Eating dinner with family.
Hiding in Heier's until 5pm.
Kicking Forensics in the butt at state.
Listening to Delilah (ok, I admit it!) after 10pm.
Playing clarinet with my teacher.
Stealing time to read Twilight.
Driving through a curvy road.
Crossing off items on my to-do list.
Trying to make baby Austin laugh.
Going to RuSans.
Conducting a band for the very first time.
Being busy.
And..
Sleep. =)

Science Olympiad: and so it begins...

Wow thanks guys. I write something dumb about cowgirl boots and I get loads more comments than I have gotten in the past two weeks. :P

So, it is February 10, 2009 at 12:11am. I ought to be in bed, but I had a 3 hour nap today. Actually, I am sick.. so that stinks. But, what the heck. I think I'm getting better: for dinner, I had a veggie soup which I could not taste at all, but now (I'm hungry as you can imagine) I'm eating this cinnamon/raisin bagel (yummy!!) and I can actually TASTE it!! :D Things are indeed improving.

Another thing about February-- it is the beginning of Science Olympiad season. (ahhhh!!!) I am sooooo excited and so anxious at the same time. It's like, I can't wait to do some hard core studying (like that one week Sumi and I managed to pull doing SO every day and blowing off homework but still acing both, muahahaha) but I am still nervous about the competition. It's different this year. There is so much pressure to win. And, that kind of stinks because SO has always been the chillax nerd group where we learned all these things for the love of science and went out and took State by accident! Now, it's this crazy competition for which seniors want to be on the "A Team".. and even if you think you have the spot you may not. But, I understand that this may be Parkview's last chance before the Math and Science school/Brookwood/Northview take over (HECK NO!), so we have to do really well.

Screw it, though. I'm going to do my best and see what happens. After all, isn't the best part about Science Olympiad staying up all night with Sumi and Hope feeding each other ice cream, cramming random knowledge about the seafloor, and hitting tubes with flip flops? :)

A Cute Outfit and Some Exciting News

Right now, I feel really bummed to be an Asian girl. Why? Well... how can an Asian pull off the cowgirl look?

So, you've got Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood who, obviously, can pull it off:





But, I don't think this would look right on me. Blah.

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Anyways...
I don't have much to update. Except.. TAYLOR SWIFT IS COMING TO ATLANTA IN THE SUMMER!!!!! Wendy, Charles, and I are super excited and will be buying tickets as soon as they release them!

Can't wait until June!

Music and Listening

I have rediscovered an amazing artist. We always listen to him in the car on the way to GSLT, but I never connected his name with his songs. Anyway, the guy is Matt Wertz. He does accoustic music and isn't so mainstream but isn't weird at all. You guys (whoever read this) should check him out. His music will lift you up and make you really happy! :)

I realized today (even though I've subconsciously known this all along) that I need to be a better listener. Lots of times, people talk to me and I just look at them and nod, but we've all had this experience. It just happens so often though! What are some ways to listen better? I can.... 1.Look the person in the eyes when they are talking. (yeah, but your head can be in space..) 2. Find a connection between what the person is talking about and your interests. This will spark conversations and help listening. 3. Stop thinking about other stuff when that person is talking.

Listening is hard when we live in a world where most people (I'm definitely included.) are so self consumed. We want to talk about ourselves and to share our lives with the people around us. Despite our efforts to go out into the world and volunteer or lead others, we still do it in the end to make ourselves happy and feel more worthwhile. Even in band, it takes a load of training to be aware of the parts around you! Plus, college applications this year and competition to get something doesn't really help that self-centered ideal. I suppose only when you have a child will you know what it is truly like to care for someone else. Then again, it is your child. Now, I am just rambling.

Sorry the "deep thoughts" of recent blogs have been quite shallow. I think my brain has evaporated. =P

Do Not Go Gentle...

Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

- Dylan Thomas

We read this poem in lit today, and it made me think about this semester when everyone else thought about death. I guess I am not so profound.

I just have to say... it is so hard to do work right now and be productive. But, we've done it for four years, so why not one more semester? I know I didn't work my butt off for my college applications. I did it because I cared about school and wanted to push myself to be better.

No. I won't settle for B's this semester on the pansy excuse of being a senior. I'm graduating as a single digit with a 4.0.