Ranting and Whinning

Beware: what you are about to read can be 1. high frustrating and 2. extremely annoying.

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Life is such a scrambled mess these days!

Let's start with everything that's been happening at home, i.e. my parents. I've been able to get along with them pretty well for the past 17 years, but lately, it's been so hard to even have a conversation with them. It all started after Science Olympiad when I came home. I told my parents about how I was sad about not getting a medal in forensics. My mom just said who cares while my dad told me to quit Science Olympiad! Okay, I understand if they don't really know what it is like to go to SO and not medal in the thing your team depended on you to medal in, but then to just toss it off like that? Especially when I am their kid? I shouldn't even be upset about this because it always happens. I mean... Senior Night. My parents did not come until the very last minute. They didn't make it for the pictures and they weren't there to pin the flower to me. I know, they are busy and really aren't the "sentimental American style" type of family. But I almost cried when Mr. Magner said he would love to walk me for Senior Night! So, let's see. My band director supports me more than my parents?? That is pathetic. And then how they say things about "oh we raised you to be well-rounded and that is how you are going to get into college because you don't just do school." What crap. When I did marching band freshman year, they always told me to quit it. When I took piano for 11 years, by the time high school started, they told me to quit it. I tried out for drum major and they told me that I wouldn't make it and to quit anyways. Doing GSLT, they told me to quit it. And then running for NHS President, they didn't even know what NHS was. Did they really raise me to be well rounded?? NO.

Then there's the whole college thing. April is coming, made more obvious every day by the packets that are coming in the mail from the places I have applied to. Somehow, Vanderbilt sent me an acceptance letter early (hooray! ^.^). And, I am happy about getting into Vanderbilt. It is a really good school! Yet, what do my parents say (yes Timmy, I shouldn't care... but..)? They say "Hmph. We are not impressed. What is Vanderbilt?" They don't even care that I got in! When I gave them the envelop, they just read it and tossed it to the side and said, "we will only be happy/care if you get into Princeton." WHAT?! How can they even think like this?! After not supporting what I do (besides financially, which is a big part of it) for 4 years, they give me crap for not getting into the very best college (yet)?!?! And then to set the standard so high, one that I may or may not be able to reach? They are just setting themselves up for disappointment. And I am so sick of this shallow view on life: that it is just about your rewards and status. Because, even though your financial success is measured by numbers, you aren't. Life just isn't that way. It is aggravating. Do my parents view me as a number? As a source of pride that they hope to one day use as a brag of their skills in raising children or saying "my daughter is in an Ivy League"?! It's so frustrating! Especially when you get rejected from 2 school scholarships in less than 1 week.

I just wonder if I'll leave home without my parents ever knowing who I am.

Sigh... =(