I picked up the mail after school today, and guess what showed up in the pile? A small envelop to me from the DeKalb County Fire Department. So, I'm thinking what the heck. I never called the fire department, and why would I even bother the DeKalb people if I did? I opened it up and out poped a bill for $50.00. I mean... what?!?! They want $50.00 for nothing??? Then I remembered that when I passed out at CDC, the fire department was there... I think. (This makes no sense. Why would a fire department come to help a passed out girl? There wasn't a fire or anything...) But anyways, these people at the fire department took my blood pressure and pricked my finger, and now they are asking for $50.00?!?!?! I can go to the hospital, get the same check up and pay less than half that price. I suppose the fact that they had to drive there as if there was an emergency would have upped the price. Ridiculous. But, it isn't that I am not thankful for them for coming (even if they didn't do anything), it's just that... paying $50.00 for that little thing is so ridiculous. I guess pretty much everyone is financially struggling these days, even the fire department.
On a happier, more enlightening note, today I went to clarinet lessons and just talked with my teacher. I have been freaking out about the second all state audition (my final all state audition ever!) for some really odd reason. The first audition was a mental breeze; I went in with a whatever-happens-will-be-okay attitude, and it all turned out great. Today has been really weird though. During advisement, I couldn't play the measures and I started panicking about Saturday... honestly, why?! Anyways, at lessons, my teacher made me realize that beating yourself up and practicing until you get bruises and start bleeding (not really) at the mouth is just wrong. Music isn't about forcing yourself to do something like a robot. It is about feeling and heart and playing with all that you've got. I guess I really lost that vision this week. It's just, I want to make it so bad--to convince my band director to take us and to be surrounded with my friends in Savannah and to play with some of the most amazing music with some of the best people in the state. Honestly, it isn't about that. All state isn't just about working hard to get something that you've always wanted. It is about playing with your heart and becoming a better musician. Being in the heart of Savannah and relaxing with friends while playing great music is just a coincidental benefit. Not that the memories aren't important. It's just that the number one focus is to believe in myself, play the music with confidence and love, and leave it all in that audition room.
I should listen to myself when I say that if you work hard for something, love what you are doing, and really want it, there is no way it isn't going to happen. I like to think of it as a miracle (like in Chemistry! :D), but honestly, it's more like the result of dilligence and passion.
1 comment:
Hey Love! I totally love the part that you wrote about AS auditions. It's true, music should come from the heart-I mean otherwise I think I don't think I could've put up with the frustration of chorus sometimes =P However, I'm still going to freak out about auditions. I think getting nervous helps me be more diligent...oddly enough.
xoxo
Post a Comment